Relationships

[Bella]

I'm almost certain that I'm going to look back at this post and be annoyed at myself for writing it while I felt like shit, but I don't care, I have to vent:

I'm so annoyed by my brother (and dad, to a lesser extent) right now... apparently the former didn't know I'm dating (I pretty much never talk about my personal life with him, but I thought i'd dropped enough hints to make it clear I'm in a relationship. Or that dad had told him already, since he tends to be a bit gossipy.) Anyway, he reacted with LAUGHTER, and not the "good" kind either, and then went on to jokingly, but no less painfully say a bunch of negative bullshit (which is kind of characteristic of him, since he's a horribly cynical person for not altogether unjustified reasons) and joke that my dad "put an end to [the relationship]", talking over me like I'm a two-year-old or something (which is kind of a bad habit of his). My dad tried to stick up for me, but it was pretty weak and he seemed to view my brother's words as jesting, not terribly condescending. =__=

Then there was the point where my dad tried to hint that I am asexual, but it flew right over his head and he reacted with more obnoxious flippancy. I've taken it pretty badly; along with some other (unrelated) things that were said and upset me, I've been on the brink of tears since dinner. I just feel so isolated and disrespected because of how and who I love sometimes, and this is one of them. ><

[Nichi]

*hug*

I know what it's like to feel that way. I often feel isolated and disrespected at family gatherings with my mom's side, because I'm not as well off as my older cousin (Who has a sporty car from '09, a job, a girlfriend, is living on his own, and is going to college, while I currently drive an SUV from '88, lost my job, have never had a girlfriend ever, and have almost zero interest in going to college at the moment), or nobody knows who I am (At family reunions, everybody knows about my older and younger cousins, while they meet my sister and I and are like "Wait...[Penti's mom] got married and had children?")

[Chocofreak13]

@bella: >:[
needless to say, if i ever meet this person, i'm going to give him a stern talking to.
some people don't realize how condescending they're being. if he starts being that way again, i want you to get angry. not polite angry, not fluttershy angry, ANGRY. real, macho-man-randy-savage-angry. it's YOUR life, YOURS to live, YOUR relationship with someone you really care about. and NO ONE has the right to talk down to you, family or not.

and if he DOES realize how condescending he's being, but doesn't care, then stop talking to the bastard. brother or not, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. >:[

[SleepyD]

There's a time an place for everything. In my (all-boys) high school, such banter was often expected, and it was usually so over the top that no one took these things seriously.

If he doesn't sense that it hurts you, then something's wrong with his people skills development. "Kuuki yomenai" as the Japanese would say--"can't read the atmosphere".  If he does sense that, then he's a plain jerkoff, really. Even my rude, crude high school friends had the decency to back off when the situation called for it.

[Chocofreak13]

(currently posting from tanky.) well said, man. and now i know a new japanese phrase. -w-

[Nichi]

Since I wanted to elaborate more on the whole thing brought up in Context Quote, I figured I'd revive this old topic

Sometimes, I think I might be borderline asexual, if that's even the right term to describe me. I mean, while I do have some interest in sex, and do occasionally find myself thinking about it, it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me; I wouldn't think a lack of it would break a relationship. After all, I'd rather snuggle with someone than do anything naughty.

I think demisexual might be more accurate; given how I usually don't feel any sexual attraction to someone until I get to know them well, and even then, the same rules of seeing sex as not being a big deal still apply. Just, it feels rare for me to get to know someone that closely and for them to not already have someone (Which renders any sexual attraction to them void; since I'm not the sort of person to try and tear a couple apart). Also, to get to know someone that closely in person; as I'm not that great with smalltalk if I'm not very familiar with a person, and can't really think of anything to break the ice.

[Chocofreak13]

i'm only really attracted to anime guys these days.....
basically, while i can find people attractive, the only persons i'd have any interest in starting a relationship with all have amazing eyes and hair (they're anime).
people might think i'm weird for that, but as far as i'm concerned, haters gonna hate. i'm happiest when it's just me and the plushies.

[NejinOniwa]

That just means you're cynical enough to realize there's no point in chasing love around, so your subconscious is going to wait it out until you run across a bombshell you can't refuse. Or finds a Childhood Friend somewhere that suddenly is more than that. Or something.

Probably.

[Bella]

Sometimes, I think I might be borderline asexual, if that's even the right term to describe me. I mean, while I do have some interest in sex, and do occasionally find myself thinking about it, it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me; I wouldn't think a lack of it would break a relationship. After all, I'd rather snuggle with someone than do anything naughty.

Gray-asexuality (of which demisexuality is a part) is a thing; basically, "normal sexuality"* and asexuality exist on a spectrum, and anyone who is in-between being "typically" sexual and fully lacking sexuality could identify as gray-asexual.

*I put this in parentheses because there isn't really a definition of what defines "typical sexuality". I mean, people are said to be heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, gay, etc. when they routinely experience sexual attraction for members of the same/opposite/other sexes and genders, but there's no way of objectively knowing what the line between gray-asexuality and "normal sexuality" is.

i'm only really attracted to anime guys these days.....
basically, while i can find people attractive, the only persons i'd have any interest in starting a relationship with all have amazing eyes and hair (they're anime).
people might think i'm weird for that, but as far as i'm concerned, haters gonna hate. i'm happiest when it's just me and the plushies.

Your experiences parallel my own, somewhat - for as long as I can remember I've been more prone to falling in love with fictional characters over real living human beings. (Though in both cases, I suppose it's more a matter of getting crushes/squishes; since I can't say I remember ever wishing I could have sex with any of those characters / people [it's more a matter of wishing I could date them and get to know them better, lol]) ^^;

[NejinOniwa]

The part where you find yourself more attracted to fictional characters is less of a question of actual sexuality, and more of a question of information abundance. Basically, most fictional character you come across in major works, you get to know very very well quite fast; things aren't as simple with real people, as we all know (unless you have a spy team at hand or something, but then you have a totally different problem) and actually getting past the barrier of facades most people put up is quite a difficult task for most people.

After all, it's easier to be attracted to someone you know well, rather than taking chances with getting to know someone who might turn out not at all as you hoped, and besides, they might interfere with the rest of your life as well.

Basically, it takes balls to fall in love with a real person.
Actually going balls deep takes a lot. And, a window of opportunity as well.

[Nichi]

Indeed. I've had more sexual interest in, say, 2k-tan than most real people; but that likely comes more from being more familiar with her as a person than most real people (After all, she's one of the main characters in my stories).

I suppose my main problem is that it's hard for me to make friends IRL if I know little about them beforehand; as I find it hard to break the ice. There's a new girl at work who has caught my attention, yet I can't figure out how to go about getting to know her. Maybe if I see her tonight, I might try to say something

@Bella: Interesting. I figured you'd know something to describe it ^^

[Chocofreak13]

pssh, fictional to you. >>;;

That just means you're cynical enough to realize there's no point in chasing love around, so your subconscious is going to wait it out until you run across a bombshell you can't refuse. Or finds a Childhood Friend somewhere that suddenly is more than that. Or something.

Probably.

what are you saying...? :0

[NejinOniwa]

Not to sound melodramatic, but my love life can be summarized fairly accurately by a certain Green Day song... Broken Dreams, Boulevard of, etc. -_-

Knowing every mechanism of it doesn't make it much better, either. I'm stuck watching the game from behind bulletproof glass, knowing all the rules and moves but without practice in any of them and nobody to practice them on - and it's been going on to the point where I'm not even interested in trying to practice them, let alone dare try to use them seriously if I should end up running into someone I can't get off my mind, so I'll either just stand by passively until someone else takes the chance, or end up bungling it all horribly.

I'm an author, not a people person. Sigh. -_-

[Chocofreak13]

i've resigned myself to solitude, and honestly, with my track record plushies make better companions than real people anyway. they don't hurt you, they don't betray you, and they're always there for you. they're what's kept me alive for 10 years, after all~

[Nichi]

I've pretty much been in solitary confinement for as long as I can remember; the only contact with the outside world I had as a kid was at church, and there I was universally bullied for being different (My problems with being open about my interests IRL stems from that). For me personally, it's kind of lonely; while sometimes being away from people is nice, sometimes I wish I could call someone and say "let's get some donuts and hang out"