Relationships

[Chocofreak13]

sarcasm is better than anger or attitude in my opinion. so i envy you. :[

[IanDanKilmaster]

I can see that, but trust me, it gets a little annoying when you're being serious and people think you're crying wolf.  Especially when it's about something you're feeling very serious about.

Still, I feel bad that people think you're being angry all the time.  Maybe it would help to perhaps inflect a bit of sweetness when you're feeling sweet?  I know it's not easy to do when it's something you're only doing on a subconscious-level, but some people just can't seem to understand you unless you're being very direct.  It's like, they've known you long enough that they should know this is just how you are, but it's almost as if they expect you to drive in your intent with the subtlety of a lead weight crushing a foot.

[Chocofreak13]

but the thing is that it always comes up in basic conversation, when no inflection is required. as far as i can tell, i don't put an inflection on much of anything, but i guess my mum begs to differ. :\

[IanDanKilmaster]

Hmmm, she might just be overly worried and neurotic like me - hearing something that simply isn't there.

[Chocofreak13]

possible. i hope so. :[

[Nichi]

@Choco: Sounds like how everybody seems to think I'm depressed all the time. Even when I'm just feeling in a basic good mood, if I'm not going around with a creepy smile on my face at all times or talk in an overly excited manner, everybody jumps to the conclusion that I'm obviously depressed; resulting in people demanding I cheer up now.

My family doesn't notice it, as they know me well enough that they can tell what my moods are like, but I get pissed off that the people who either don't know me or barely know me thinking I'm depressed, or in one case, rudely interrupting me while I'm in deep though because they think I'm crying (Do you see tears? No? Then shut up; I'm trying to concentrate on something important that's on my mind).

[Bella]

@necropost: you guys ever wonder about what's not said in family relationships?

I have a feeling that my family - especially my near-family - are pretty much the most alone, secretive, emotionally locked-up group of people I know. For the most part, myself, my father, brother and sister in law (and her father) refuse to speak our minds, talk about our actual feelings and what's really going on in our lives, which leads to all sorts of secrets and awkward confrontations when things do surface.  :/ We're all very paranoid and neurotic people too, so secrecy and lack of communication has almost become like a mechanism to keep from hurting ourselves/each other more since the more you expose about yourself, the more you can potentially be injured by others. : \

@Choco: Sounds like how everybody seems to think I'm depressed all the time. Even when I'm just feeling in a basic good mood, if I'm not going around with a creepy smile on my face at all times or talk in an overly excited manner, everybody jumps to the conclusion that I'm obviously depressed; resulting in people demanding I cheer up now.

I'm the opposite. Nobody is willing to believe I'm depressed, just because I joke a lot and tend to be on the smiley side... even though I have every symptom of depression except for physical self-harm. : / Nobody will believe I'm neurotic for the same reason...

[Nichi]

@Bella: My family tends to be pretty open about most things, but we do have our secrets (I've accidentally learned some things about my parents I never wanted to know >_<)

Also, one of the problems that comes with people thinking I'm depressed all the time is that it really draws out the people who feel the need to shove Jesus down my throat, even after I tell them I'm already Christian, because it's obviously impossible for someone of that religion to feel sad about anything at all; they must go around shitting rainbows all day long
*rolls eyes*

[IanDanKilmaster]

Jeez, I remember when I was still religious having to go through that.  Granted, I did have problems with suicidal thoughts and depression when I was still an angsty teen, but I grew out of that.  Right now, I'm just a semi-introverted, deliberate, and observant person, so I spend a lot of time just deep in thought.  It's just frustrating that people want you to wear this Stepford smile all-day long like you're addicted to Prozac or something.

I guess that's why my mental duplicity is as it is.  I laugh, smile and joke around even when I'm upset - sometimes even more then.  I spend most of my "normal" time just thinking a lot.  I guess another reason I joke around so much when I'm feeling down is to just lighten the mood but whatever.

On the same token, I suppose I too misjudge people's emotions, just wanting to know what's on their mind.  I just want so much to know the people around me are happy.

[Pitkin]

Very interesting subject we're on here, but right now I'm not in a place to post properly here. Instead, the below...

according to my mum, i seem to sound angry alot when i talk. i don't hear it, so i don't notice it when i'm talking (this is just the way i talk ;^; ), so it results in alot of misunderstandings. it kinda makes me miserable to think about it.

I hear that fairly often too (face to face, not online - online I can understand it way better), and whenever someone points that out to me, it's in a situation I'm not at all angry but on the contrary in good mood or even excited about something. I've seen a speech therapist about that, and she told me that whenever I speak excitedly about something, I speak very loudly and the "air pressure" I let out is very strong, making it sound like I'm upset. For me it's just the technical way to speak, and truth be told I'm happy enough with my voice / vocal communication that I wasn't interested in working towards changing it. Still, it's frustrating to hear "don't get mad" when I don't feel mad at all. :/

[Nichi]

@Pit: I had a problem like that when I was younger. My aunt always complained about how I was always mad and yelling at everyone, when really, it was just that I lacked an indoor voice back then (Something I did develop years later...which is now part of what leads people who don't know me into believing I'm depressed)

(Example: I TALKED LIKE MY CAPS LOCK KEY WAS STUCK)

[Bella]

Very interesting subject we're on here, but right now I'm not in a place to post properly here. Instead, the below...

according to my mum, i seem to sound angry alot when i talk. i don't hear it, so i don't notice it when i'm talking (this is just the way i talk ;^; ), so it results in alot of misunderstandings. it kinda makes me miserable to think about it.

I hear that fairly often too (face to face, not online - online I can understand it way better), and whenever someone points that out to me, it's in a situation I'm not at all angry but on the contrary in good mood or even excited about something. I've seen a speech therapist about that, and she told me that whenever I speak excitedly about something, I speak very loudly and the "air pressure" I let out is very strong, making it sound like I'm upset. For me it's just the technical way to speak, and truth be told I'm happy enough with my voice / vocal communication that I wasn't interested in working towards changing it. Still, it's frustrating to hear "don't get mad" when I don't feel mad at all. :/

I can totally sympathize with the two of you when it comes to this, since I suffer from this issue myself. I think my tendency to get loud when excited (or upset) coupled with my somewhat complaining-sounding voice convinces some people I'm either "yelling" or pissed-off when I'm not. It's gotten me in trouble before... :/

[NejinOniwa]

That's probably the good part about swedish - the language itself is so melodic, you always hear when someone's mad and not regardless of volume. Less misundahstandahns!

[Chocofreak13]

@bella, pitkin, pentium: the basic rule in this house is the louder you are, the more you're heard. this hold especially true for me, as somehow when i was young i absorbed the information that you should always wait till the other person is done speaking to talk. while i don't mind this (it's just polite), my family has the gift of gab......so i could never get a word in edgewise. in my later teens, i got sick of being talked over, so i started to make myself heard. this seems to have backfired, as now in an attempt to make sure i'm heard, i seem to end up yelling my replies sometimes...... >>; (i do my best to keep myself in check on volume control.)

@nej: i wish i could speak swedish. your country isn't going under economically, which makes it lovely that half the country is in english, meaning that if the great ship united states sinks, i can jump across the pond.

[Nichi]

@Kari: That's how I usually am; I usually wait until someone is done talking before I speak up...and usually, if the conversation is with more than one person, that leads to me constantly getting cut off right at the start of a sentence, much to my annoyance.

If my boss is involved, he cuts me off every time I open my mouth, spouting his usual bullshit reasoning why he is right and I'm wrong (Regardless of how painfully wrong he is), so I yell at that bastard to get my point through.